Jessica Simpson Is The Poor Man's Hipster (Or A Really Good Avril Lavigne Impersonator)
Poor Jessica Simpson. I used to have her in my pile of celebrities I'd like to torture, but now I genuinely feel bad for her. Sure I don't feel bad for the millions of useless dollars she has, but she just looks like a lost puppy looking for a hug and love in all of the wrong places. And if she thinks dating Billy Corgan means dressing like a stoned NYU hipster with no goals in sight, but just wasting daddy's money is going to get her somewhere---well, wait it just might.
That surfer on your sweatshirt called me BTW. He'd like his dignity back. And now we await the next Oprah session where Jessica cries about all of the terrible hipster comments she received due to wearing this and how it's like, totally, affected her self-esteem.