Kristen Stewart Fights Porcupine at Teen Choice Awards, Loses

Aug 11th, 2009

Dear Kristen Stewart:

We know you think playing Joan Jett is a new high for your career, but let us face the real issue at hand: the threads you’re bringing off the set are—to put it lightly—tacky and a bit vomit-inducing. The trailer trash mullet is looking greasier than our pizza last night, and the whole I-just-brawled-with-a-porcupine look brings tears to our eyes.

Where are the long K-Stew locks that said, “Hey, I don’t try and I’m still scorching hot”? Because now it really looks like you don’t care… Or your stylist is playing a cruel, practical joke on you.

Either way, we’re asking you to straighten up. Make us believe you are worthy enough to have been linked to such fine specimen as Robert Pattinson. Nowadays he’s looking more like a woman than you are.

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