My 'Dancing With the Stars' Season 10, Episode 1 Recap: Pam Anderson Is A Hot Pink Mess...& I Love It

Mar 23rd, 2010

If you're as pop culture obsessed as me, your eyes were tuned into ABC last night to witness the premiere of Dancing With the Stars Season 10. Mind you, this is my first time actually watching this show. Thank you Brenda Walsh! To sum this show up (before I give you my opinions): Pamela Anderson = Ratings Gold.

As soon as the show began, I saw my favorite look of the night: Pamela Anderson in the biggest, hottest pink mess and I absolutely loved it. She was more than likely stoned, drunk, or both, but that's why I love good 'ol Pammy. She never ceases to disappoint.

First things first, I think I fell in love with Bengals loud mouth, Chad Ochocino. He's like my big, sweet chocolate, secret lover. The judges gave him an 18 out of 30, but I gave him a 100% for literally making me fall in love the instant he hit the screen.

On to my next chick who I literally wasted 10 minutes of my life and voted for as much as possible. My love, my long lost love, Shannen Doherty (better known as Brenda Walsh) graced us with her presence. Normally anytime I cry for Brenda is when that tramp Kelly Taylor gets on her man, Dylan Walsh, however, this time I cried because Shannen started crying after she saw her father in the audience. The main reason she's doing the show is for her father. This then made me cry and when I see old men crying, I tend to turn on the waterworks. Those bastard judges gave her an 18.

Next was leggy ESPN host, Erin Andrews, otherwise known as the chick with the peeping Tom. All I can say I saw was her ridiculously long legs that would even give Stacey Kiebler a run for her money. Because of these long, Praying Mantis type legs, she easily scored a 21. Plus she's with hot Maksim whom I'm desperately in love with. You could say I'm jeal.

This is when I fell asleep for a bit because I could really care less about a rich, good looking white, Bachelor dude who goes by the name of Jake Pavelka. He and his partner were TOTALLY feeling each other right before Pavelka's Bachelor fiance. Needless to say he scored a 20.

Niecy Nash was next and although I find it terribly hard to look at her straight in the face, she did make me giggle. "I can be the nice thick grown woman who stands in the front," she said when discussing her 8th grade horror story of being the chubby chick in the back. She landed an 18.

I fell asleep again with Evan Lysacek and it's not his fault. His partner gave me a headache because I literally could not understand her. Dude scored a 23, because well, duh, he scored a damn gold medal at the Olympic games. This is like cake work---regardless of him claiming he can't "turn" a certain way.

Let's just say Buzz Aldrin has given new meaning to the word pepaw. Dude is a damn legend and although he couldn't even did a quick skip and I heard his bones creaking at every turn, I love Buzz and I'm holding out for him. Just like seeing old men cry, seeing old men dance has the same hold on me. My poor old dude scored a 14.

Ugh, Nicole Scherzinger. NO SHIZZ she was going to come out on top. I don't care how many times she told the camera "I have never done anything like this in my life." Okay so breast popping and booty shaking doesn't equal this elegant dance you did tonight, but girl clearly has rhythm and knows what good choreography looks like. Whatevs, she landed a 25. The first 9 of the season

I'm not even going to give Aiden Turner a paragraph. Aside from his sexy Australian accent, he's on some lame soap opera and he's God awful. I don't know how he did a point better than Buzz. Score was 15 for those of you who don't know how to add :)

Go figure Kate Gosselin pulls the kid card out on America to basically beg us to save her behind. She was the only one in the pre-taped first meeting that was a total and utter beotch. I don't care that Carrie Ann gave the excuse that she's not a performer, athlete, bla bla bla...she gave birth to eight children and a woman who is able to do that, in my opinion, certainly should know how to move. Score was 16.

And last, but certainly not least, is my beloved speed induced Pamela Anderson. Actually, I think I love her crazy aunt (who inspired her to take on the show) even more. Now we know where Pamela learned how to do her own make-up...yikes. Did anyone else see her ready to pounce on her partner before the commercial break? Her poor make up artist kept sneaking in lip gloss touch ups praying to God she wouldn't catch Hepatitis C. Anyway there are seriously no words to describe the amazingness that is Pam Anderson. One thing I noticed: she definitely popped some pills beforehand because in her pre-taped first meeting, she was pretty coherent and able to form sentences. Home girl seriously came out on the stage like a bat out of hell doing her best Tina Turner impression. If sex needs an iconic dance, this would be it. I guess all of those years with Tommy Lee paid off for something (and I'm not talking about the Hep.)

Next week, they'll all dance again and their scores combined will be the final scores, BUT America gets to decide so if you're like me, you'll waste an entire evening voting for Shannen Doherty from every outlet possible (11 from texts, 11 from the web, and 11 from your phone.) Here's how they stand so far:

25 - Nicole Scherzinger
23 - Evan Lysacek
21 - Erin Andrews
21 - Pam Anderson
20 - Jake Pavelka
18 - Chad Ochocinco
18 - Shannen Doherty
18 - Niecy Nash
16 - Kate Gosselin
15 - Aiden Turner
14 - Buzz Aldrin

WIN OF THE NIGHT: Pam Anderson's hair
FAIL OF THE NIGHT: Those horrendous cover singers.

My pick to go home next week is Aiden Turner mainly because no one knows who he is. I can handle a Pepaw dancing and I definitely want to see Kate Gosselin make an idiot out of herself :)

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